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Shifting Point Of View Without Head Hopping

How To Avoid Head Hopping If you shift point of view within the same chapter or story, you risk being criticized for “head hopping.” But often you need more than one point of view for your novel.

In fact, in some genres, such as fantasy, most readers expect it.

Plus, showing a story through more than one character’s eyes allows you to explore scenes, emotions, and knowledge that you couldn’t otherwise include that will intrigue readers.

So why is head hopping frowned on? And how do you change point of view without the dreaded head hopping label?

The Drawback Of Head Hopping

The biggest issue with shifting points of view is the risk of confusing the reader.

If not done well, the reader suddenly wonders why this character knows something they shouldn’t, or who exactly the viewpoint character is, or what on earth just happened. (That’s what usually results in complaints about head hopping.)

At best, the reader will go back to clarify what’s going on. If they can figure it out, they may keep reading. But if it happens too often, they’ll put down your novel and never return.

Also, you’ve just reminded them they’re reading a book rather than living in and experiencing your fictional world firsthand.

But you can avoid confusion. The key is to transition without jarring your reader. Some ways to do that are below.

You Need More Than A Break

Readers are more likely to understand a point of view change when it occurs after a scene or chapter break. But a break alone isn’t enough.

Cue your reader in at least one other way within the text itself. For example, if you’re writing in third person, include the new viewpoint character’s name and an internal thought or emotion in the first sentence:

Once she got out of the house, Eleanor raced to the DMV, afraid she’d missed her last chance to renew her driver’s license before it expired.

If the last scene or chapter was in Juan’s point of view, the above sentence quickly cues the reader that this one is from Eleanor’s, as we get not only her name and what she’s doing but why she’s doing it. And how she feels about it.

These types of cues can make all the difference.

You can also add the new POV character’s name in italics or parentheses below the Chapter title or number or after the scene break. But even if you do, I recommend cues like those above. Some readers (including me) tend to read right past chapter titles or parentheticals. You don’t want to lose them.

Switching Mid-Paragraph

Some literary authors switch points of view mid-paragraph. Here’s an example from my favorite novel, Pride and Prejudice:

That she should have walked three miles so early in the day in such dirty weather, and by herself, was almost incredible to Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley; and Elizabeth was convinced that they held her in contempt for it. She was received, however, very politely by them; and in their brother’s manners there was something better than politeness—there was good-humour and kindness. Mr. Darcy said very little, and Mr. Hurst nothing at all. The former was divided between admiration of the brilliancy which exercise had given to her complexion and doubt as to the occasion’s justifying her coming so far alone. The latter was thinking only of his breakfast.

The above excerpt includes at least 3 points of view, which I’ve color coded. Elizabeth’s, Darcy’s, and Hurst’s. Note that the two men are named in the sentence before the shifts to their points of view and the author tells us they said nothing. The author then clearly states what each is thinking.

The vast majority of readers now, though, find switches like the above too jarring, as they are so rare. For that reason, if you plan to switch mid-scene, it’s better to do it when you start a new paragraph.

Shifting POV Mid-Scene

Using actions and emotion (the same type of cues as in my first example) helps any shift of point of view. If you are mid-scene, though, you want to be especially clear.

A few ways to do that include:

starting the paragraph with the new POV character’s name
beginning the paragraph with the new character’s dialogue followed by a tag with the character’s name
describing the new POV character’s movement at the start of the paragraph (using their name), followed by an internal emotion or thought

For example:

Juan slammed his hand on the table. “No way are you leaving.” They were in the middle of an argument, and he couldn’t believe his wife was rushing out without answering his last point.

“I have to,” Eleanor said. She grabbed her coat. Her driver’s license meant everything to her. Without it, she’d never see her daughter again. Her ex certainly wasn’t going to drive a hundred miles to bring the girl for a visit.

Juan blocked the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest and squaring his shoulders. He knew how much her daughter meant to Eleanor, but in the two years they’d been married she’d never made him the priority. He was starting to think she never would. And that wasn’t going to work for him.

As you can see (I hope), these cues make the shift into a different character’s viewpoint less jarring and easier to follow.

I hope you found this helpful!

Best,

L. M. Lilly

P.S. For a refresher on points of view, check out these articles on Writing As A Second Career.

Combining Different Points Of View (Point Of View Post No. 5)

The point-of-view articles posted here so far covered three third person point-of-view options–omniscient; third person limited shifting (multiple characters); and third person limited (single character)–and the second and first person points of view.

If none of the options seems as if it will work for your entire story, though, you can combine different points of view in the same novel.

First And Third

Some books shift scene-to-scene or chapter-to-chapter from first person told by one character to third person limited told by another character.

You might do this if you have a strong sense of one character’s voice and really want to write using “I,” but you need the reader to know things that character doesn’t know. Or you may feel third person seems more appropriate for one or more other viewpoint characters.

In the thriller Right Behind You, Lisa Gardner shifts between two first-person points of view—a teenaged girl and her estranged older brother—and two third-person points of view—profilers Quincy and Rainie, who are foster parents to the girl. It’s worth a read to see how Gardner does this (and because it’s a great book).

Second And ???

You could do the same with second person, using it for a particular chapter and then shifting in another chapter to third person or even to first person.

Because second person is less common in fiction, though, your reader might feel disoriented, so use with caution.

First And First

You can shift from one first person viewpoint to another first person viewpoint. This can be a bit trickier than shifting from first to third. With multiple first person points of view the reader may assume the same “I” is speaking.

While you can put a character name on the top of a chapter or scene to signal the switch to the reader, beware: not all readers look at those tags. I tend to overlook them myself, just as I rarely read chapter titles.

To truly do shifting first person right, the changing voice of the current narrator alone ought to cue the reader that someone else is now telling the story.

That can be quite challenging. But you can make it work if you’re willing to listen intently to how each character speaks and get that down on the page.

The popular thriller Gone Girl is an excellent example of an author using two different first-person narratives—a husband’s and a wife’s. Both the viewpoint character’s voices and the actual story change dramatically depending upon which POV we’re in.

Epistolary Novels

Another way to combine points of view is to tell some or all of your story through letters. Jane Austen’s classic Pride and Prejudice includes the full text of multiple letters. Austen’s original plan for the novel was to tell all of it in letters.

The book overall is in third person omniscient, as we get a big picture view of the community and its views as well as a look into the minds of multiple characters.

But we also get first and second person through letters. When Darcy writes his pivotal letter to Elizabeth (the protagonist) he both details his own feelings, referring to himself as “I,” and relates things that occurred that involve Elizabeth, referring to her as “you.”

The letters create a greater intimacy between the readers and the characters, as we’re drawn into direct and often private communications between them. They also allow Austen to have fun with different characters’ voices. The letters from Mr. Collins are a joy to read–full of pomposity mixed with some good intentions and a heavy dose of self-importance–and convey his character perfectly.

(Elizabeth says to her father after hearing the first of the letters read aloud: “He must be an oddity, I think….Can he be a sensible man, sir?”)

If you try switching points of view, once you’ve written a few chapters it’s a good idea to give them to a few friends. Ask them to mark any point where they were confused, even momentarily.

Confusion doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the shift. But you’ll know where you need to work harder to make clear who is talking.

Until next Friday, when we’ll talk about how you decide which point of view to use for any particular scene or story–

L.M. Lilly

The Omniscient Narrator: When You Know It All (Point of View Post No. 4)

Third person omniscient is the broadest and most flexible point of view. For most writers, it’s also the most challenging to write.

The Omniscient Narrator Knows And Sees All

With omniscient point of view, the narrator can see into everyone’s mind. Not only that, the narrator can go beyond the experiences and knowledge of the characters.

For example, the story could start with a history of a town, a company, or a country regardless whether any of the main characters know that history. Or a scene could begin with a bird’s eye view of a city block and gradually zero in on a single seat on a single train car.

The omniscient narrator also can opine about each character from a step back, rather than being locked into a character’s perspective.

The first two lines of Gone With The Wind provide an example of omniscient narration:

Scarlett O’Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were. In her face were too sharply blended the delicate features of her mother, a Coast aristocrat of French descent, and the heavy ones of her florid Irish father.

In these sentences, we are in neither Scarlett’s nor the twins’ POVs. Rather, we get a big picture view of Scarlett.

Scarlett herself, for instance, would be unlikely to describe herself as “not beautiful,” and the Tarleton twins probably wouldn’t describe her that way or refer to her mother’s and father’s ancestry if asked to tell someone what she looked like.

Later in the chapter the story zooms in so that we get Scarlett’s internal thoughts and feelings as well as those of the Tarletons, but there are many passages in the book that provide a sweeping view of Southern society, the war, and politics. Those are all told via the omniscient narrator.

Pros Of Third-Person Omniscient Point Of View

The pluses of omniscient narration are the big picture scope and feel, as well as the flexibility. As a writer, you can swoop into the viewpoint of whatever character you choose, and you can back off and give the perspective of many people at once.

Omniscient is the perfect choice for Gone With The Wind because Margaret Mitchell is able to provide numerous perspectives when she needs to, whether of soldiers on the front lines, prisoners of war, society matrons, or carpetbaggers.

She can also include descriptions of lands and cultures and characters that are rich with history and details that no one particular character is aware of.

Cons Of Third-Person Omniscient Point Of View

The disadvantages include that writing in omniscient narration can be unwieldy. As the author, you have so many choices for every single scene that it can be overwhelming.

Also, a lot of care is needed to avoid jarring the reader when you head hop from one character to another or zoom in or out from a bird’s eye view to a single character’s view.

You can avoid this to some extent by only switching POV from scene to scene or chapter to chapter, but then you may as well use third person limited shifting. (For more on that point of view option see Limited And Shifting Third Person (Point Of View Post No. 3)).

Another method is to use a character’s line of dialogue or a movement by the character to segue into that character’s perspective.

Keep in mind that because of the big picture perspective your reader may not feel as connected to or invested in any particular character. Partly for this reason omniscient narration, while common in many classics, is not often used today in fiction.

Most present-day readers want to feel as if they are truly seeing through the eyes of, or living in the body of, one or more characters, and it’s hard to feel that way with omniscient narration.

Further, today’s readers also are unused to shifts of point of view within scenes, and it may distract them or make them wonder if you shifted deliberately or made an error.

Where You’ll Find Omniscient Narrators

You see omniscient narration used more in literary novels than in popular or genre fiction.

Literary books focus more on the writing itself than the plot (though how much more varies) and also tend to leave more for the reader to infer about the characters’ thoughts and feelings. This makes such books better suited to an omniscient narrator, as readers don’t have the same expectation of closeness with the viewpoint characters, and they expect to work harder to understand the story.

So should you try omniscient narration?

It’s true that some modern readers may be unfamiliar with it and so be throw off by it at first. If you are writing an epic or sweeping tale, though, or you simply love the approach, give it a try.

Until next Friday, when I’ll write about combining various points of view in one novel—

L.M. Lilly

Learning About Point Of View From Donald Trump And James Comey

This past Thursday, during time I’d scheduled to work on my current novel The Worried Man, I found myself glued to the TV instead. I watched former FBI Director Comey testify about conversations with the President.

When the testimony was done, I flipped between commentators on different channels, then listened to the President’s personal lawyer give a rebuttal.

I felt like a slacker until it hit me—I might not be writing, but I was learning a lot about point of view.

Who Has The Most At Stake

A good rule of thumb in fiction is to write from the point of view of the character with the most at stake.

If, for example, an employee is called into the boss’ office on Friday at 5 PM to talk about an issue that might get her fired, odds are she has more at stake than the boss.

But it’s all a question of perspective.

If the boss is being scrutinized by her supervisor for unfair hiring and firing practices, she may have a lot on the line too.

The stakes of a story or a scene rest on a lot of factors. Going back to the hearing I watched, since we can’t know for certain what the facts are in the real life theater of United States politics, let’s imagine we’re writing a novel about a fictional President Grump and former FBI Director Spumy.

If President Grump really did or said something that could get him impeached, that’s high stakes for him. That would make watching the Spumy testimony through his eyes compelling.

Grump would anticipate every question, sweat over every answer, and worry about what words would come out of Spumy’s mouth next.

Spumy, on the other hand, has already been fired. That suggests that the stakes for him are pretty low. Using that set up, writing from Grump’s point of view is a no-brainer.

But it’s not hard to shift the scenario if you as the writer want to do that. If our fictional FBI Director Spumy is lying, he could be exposed as a fraud or eventually convicted of perjury.

To add to the imbalance, let’s say our fictional president is a lot like Jed Bartlet of the West Wing. Our Bartlet-like Grump would have acted in the best interests of the country at all times, and his confidence that nothing bad would come to light would be well founded. He wouldn’t sweat through the testimony.

In that scenario, Spumy’s point of view is hands down more interesting to the reader because he’s the one with the most at stake.

When Everyone’s Risking Something

The best novels–and scenes–are when both the protagonist and antagonist have a lot at stake.

In our example, let’s say Spumy is telling the truth as he sees it. He can still be stressed. His reputation is on the line.

To further raise the stakes, you could create a fictional former FBI director who feels strongly about being seen as truthful and reliable and, to up it even more, who dislikes the spotlight. (This is fiction, remember.)

All of the above would make testifying nerve racking for Spumy.

Similarly, even if Grump did nothing wrong but the way he conducts himself makes everyone think he did, he could still be in hot water. After all, it’s often the appearance of a cover up, not a bad act itself, that gets a politician in trouble.

So our fictional president might believe he did everything right but still worry about impeachment and watch the testimony with his phone on speaker with a direct line to his lawyer. (Perhaps with his hands cuffed behind his back to keep him away from his Twitter account.)

With these fictional characters, I’d write the scene first from one point of view and then the other. The contrast between how the two men see the same event and the same testimony would draw the reader in and make it fascinating to read the same scene twice.

Who’s the hero and who’s the villain? That’s for the reader to decide.

Until Friday-

Best,