Category: Writing

How do you revise when your early readers find a scene or scenes dull or slow?

That’s tough feedback to hear, especially if you thought what you wrote was gripping.

At the same time, you’ve been given a gift. Knowing when a reader feels bored is some of the most valuable feedback you can get. Because now you can revise to keep readers engaged from start to finish.

Here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you need the scene?

Sometimes a scene or section of your novel feels slow because you don’t need it. If you can remove it and the rest of the story makes perfect sense – and you don’t lose any key character development – consider dropping it entirely.

2. Is it all exposition or backstory?

If the scene conveys information the reader needs, such as key backstory for a character, ask yourself if you can get that across more quickly. Or in a more engaging way.

For instance, let’s say you wrote a flashback about your (adult) protagonist when she was ten and learned her mother died in a highway car accident.

Sounds fairly dramatic, right? But if it doesn’t matter much to your present-day story, readers may very well find it slow.

Try sharing that backstory in a few sentences instead. Something like:

When she reached sixty miles per hour Anora immediately eased off the gas. When she was ten, her mother died in a highway crash. The other driver drove only ten miles over the limit, but it was enough.

You can also look for a way to convey the backstory through conflict. If your plot revolves around Anora’s career you might try something like this:

Her boss frowned. “If I knew you planned to crawl there I would’ve driven. Pick up the pace or we’ll miss the first half.”

“Driving fast makes me nervous,” Anora said.

“Fast?” He leaned closer to peer at the speedometer, which read fifty-five. “In no universe is this fast.”

“It is to someone whose mom was killed in a highway crash,” Anora said. But she pressed harder on the gas pedal. 

3. Does it include unnecessary detail or repetition?

If the scene moves the story forward, look at how it’s written. You may have included a lot of unneeded detail or information. Or you might be repeating too much.

Think about that friend or coworker who takes forever to tell a story and you’re dying for them to cut to the chase.

A few things to look for as you revise:

• “Hello, how are you?” dialogue

For the most part you can cut hellos, good-byes, good mornings, how was your days, etc. We all say those things in real life, at least we do if we’re polite.

But while readers want the flavor of real conversation, the parts that interest them are the parts with conflict.

• Repetitive description

If you have 3 sentences describing the icy walkway, revise so there’s only one. If you include paragraph after paragraph of the viewpoint character’s internal thoughts about their spouse, look at each sentence and ask if it truly adds anything you haven’t already covered.

If not, cut it.

• Telling what you’ve already shown

Look for instances where there’s action or dialogue and you then tell the reader what it meant. In the dialogue above, for example, you don’t need to add a few lines explaining that Anora’s boss was irritated with her. Or that she pushed herself to drive a little faster because he was irritated, but it made her uncomfortable.

All that is already there.

I hope that’s helpful. Good luck with your writing!

Best,

L.M. Lilly

P.S. Looking for help revising your plot? Download free Story Structure Worksheets here.

When it comes to describing setting in your fiction, how much is too much?

Evoking Place

On the one hand, where a book is set can encourage readers to buy it. Recently I picked up a mystery solely because it was set in Paris, a city I love.

Plus, some novels do such a wonderful job describing the settings that I find myself longing to go there. That can be true even if I’ve already found that I don’t like a place.

As one example, with apologies to Londoners, it’s not a city I long to visit again. Twice was enough. Yet whenever I read Robert Galbraith’s Strike novels or J.F. Penn’s Brooke and Daniel series I find myself wanting to follow them down gloomy winding streets to discover whatever is hidden there.

As a writer, setting has always been important to me, too.

In my Awakening supernatural thriller series, my characters travel the world, seeking answers and fleeing antagonists everywhere from crowded city markets to mountain synagogues to isolated rural communities. And in my Q.C. Davis mystery series I often see Chicago itself as a character.

But while one reader might love in-depth descriptions of characters struggling to get home through a blizzard in 40 mile an hour winds, another may yawn and wonder when will the story start?

The Role Setting Plays

If you find yourself struggling with striking the right balance, some tips from Fiction First Aid: Instant Remedies for Novels, Stories and Scripts by novelist and writing instructor Raymond Obstfeld might help.

First, Obstfeld says it’s key to figure out what role the setting plays in your story.

Ask yourself if your particular setting significantly affects your characters’ personality development or the plot conflicts. If the answer is yes, you need to describe the setting in more depth so that the reader understands how important it is.

But when doing so, Obstfeld still stresses that you should still hone in on what is significant about the setting:

Think of fiction setting the same way you might a play’s set. Most of the time a stage play uses set design to imply the larger setting.

Obstfeld suggests highlighting a specific detail rather than overwhelming your reader with every aspect of the setting or using a lot of metaphors or similes.

A great example of this comes from John Sandford’s Phantom Prey. Below is the first line of a scene where the protagonist goes to investigate a murder. It’s the only line describing the house’s interior in the scene.

Anson was leaning on the second-floor banister, overlooking the stairwell, talking to an ME investigator.

Notice the only detail is the second-floor banister that overlooks the stairwell. But it tells us about this house. We know it has at least two floors. Also, I imagine an older home because of the use of the word banister, which for me evokes an antique feel.

In contrast, the first paragraph of Chapter 5 in Sara Paretsky’s novel Hardball goes into more depth as to the Chicago setting, which is key to nearly all of her V.I. Warshawski novels. The city itself matters deeply to the protagonist, V.I., so we see it in a very personal way through her eyes:

Traffic’s become like Mark Twain’s old bromide: we all whine about it, but no one tries to fix it. Even me: I complain about the congestion and then keep driving myself everywhere. Trouble is, Chicago’s public transportation is so abysmal, I’d never have time to sleep if I tried to cover my client base by bus and El. As it was, my trip home took over forty minutes, not counting a stop for groceries, and I only had to go 7 miles.

Both books fall within the same genre: suspense/mystery. And these are two of my very favorite authors. Yet their approaches differ in these passages, reflecting whether the setting is primarily key to plot (Sandford) or character (Paretsky).

That’s all for now. Next I’ll talk more about choosing settings that will have the most impact on your story.

Best,
L.M. Lilly

P.S. Looking for more help with your novel? Download free story structure worksheets and learn about other resources here.

Recently I read a novel where the dialogue and dialogue tags distracted me to the point that I almost couldn’t finish the book. Which is too bad, as it’s a mystery/thriller, and I love its concept.

Extreme Dialogue And Tags

Here’s an example of a dialogue section I made up that’s a little extreme but isn’t far from what’s in the book:

“Hello!” Sharon shouted. “It is great to see you, Jack!”

“Hi, Sharon, I am happy to see you, too,” Jack commented. “How is it going?”

“Good. Did you hear there was a fire in the grocery store?”

“Yes, that is so terrible!” Jack exclaimed.

There are a few things here that make the dialogue distracting and hard to read. All can be easily fixed.

No Contraction Action

First, the dialogue includes no contractions.

There are times people choose to speak without contractions, usually for emphasis: “I did not take that last cookie.” (I didn’t, really.) “You are not going out again tonight.”

But most, though not all, English speakers in the U.S. use contractions the majority of the time.

That’s why the above phrases “how is,” “it is,” and “I am” all feel a bit clunky and awkward.

You can definitely write a character who doesn’t use contractions or rarely uses them. But you should know why that is. For instance, someone in the habit of writing or speaking in formal settings, such as a professor, might use fewer contractions. Or a character might come from a country where contractions aren’t common.

Or the character might be trying to sound formal or highbrow.

If you decide a character won’t use contractions for whatever reason, though, be sure other characters do use them. That way you’ll show a contrast in speaking styles and won’t confuse the reader.

And if all your characters are going to avoid contractions, as Sharon and Jack do, you should have a good reason for that. One that’s clear from the story.

Otherwise, your reader will spend time wondering why they talk that way. Or, worse, stop reading because the dialogue feels unrealistic.

Exclamation Nation

If you text or email a lot, it’s easy to get into the habit of using a lot of punctuation. In short messages, we need it. Maybe some emojis, too, to convey tone. Otherwise a note that says “Good luck” can be read as encouragement, sarcasm, or skepticism.

“Good Luck!” 🙂 is more likely to convey heartfelt encouragement.

In a novel, though, it’s better to convey tone through the word choice itself. Or through a character’s actions. For example:

• Sharon threw her arms around Jack. “Jack, great to see you. It’s been forever.”
• Sharon hugged Jack. “So glad you could make it after all.”

The second one not only conveys Sharon’s happiness, it gives us a hint of conflict. It suggests Jack told her before the scene started that he probably wouldn’t get there. That suggestion makes us wonder what changed.

The dialogue as originally written, though, distracts from the story. Because right away the reader wonders why Sharon is so excited about just saying hello to someone.

Also, exclamation points are meant to convey significant emotion. If every other line includes one, it loses its power. (Find out more about what to leave out in 3 Things To Omit From Your Dialogue.)

Dialogue Tags: She Said, He Said

Writing the word “said” over and over can feel repetitive. But for readers, the word is almost invisible.

On the other hand, words like exclaimed, murmured, and shouted can be distracting. First, we’re not used to seeing them. Second, as with exclamation points, it’s stronger if your dialogue or the character’s actions convey the way your character is speaking.

If the actions or words show the manner of speaking, then the dialogue tag is redundant:

• She slammed her hand down on the table. “I’ve had it with this,” she yelled.

The “she yelled” just doesn’t add much. You can leave it there, but the lines are more powerful without it.

More troubling is where the descriptive tag and the dialogue don’t match.

• Ellie opened the door. “Good morning,” she shouted.

The above example makes the reader pause and wonder why the character is shouting. If she’s yelling to someone on the other side of the street, it makes sense, but you’ll need to tell the reader that.

Right now, it reads as if she might be yelling at someone standing right in front of her.

In contrast, if you use “said,” the reader doesn’t wonder about the line but instead reads on for what happens next.

If you feel you simply have too many “saids” in a row — particularly if you’re releasing a book for audio, where repetitive words stand out more — try instead using an action.

In the last example, you can drop the dialogue tag entirely.

• Ellie opened the door. “Good morning.”

The action tells us Ellie is speaking. If you want to go further and show Ellie’s emotion or more about the situation, you could change the action. Both of the following convey different moods and change reader expectations.

• Ellie banged the door open. “Good morning.”
• Ellie eased the door open. “Good morning.”

Notice that both also suggest to the reader how Ellie might have said the words “Good morning.” Angrily or loudly in the first example, quietly in the second.

Action Items For Your Writing

• Do a word search for “not” and “is” and other words that signal phrases where contractions can be used instead. Unless there’s a reason for avoiding a contraction, use one.
• Try searching for all the exclamation points in your dialogue. If you don’t truly need one, drop it. If there’s a reason for the excitement, see if you can convey it through the characters’ words or actions instead.
• Search for quote marks and review your dialogue tags to see how many synonyms you use in place of the tag said. Consider replacing them with said or with a character action.

That’s it for now.

L.M. Lilly

P.S. The more developed your characters are, the easier you’ll find it writing dialogue for them. Creating Compelling Characters From The Inside Out can help.

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